My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
