So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
