I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
