His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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