what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
