During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
