so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
