He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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