First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
