So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
