He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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