SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
