once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
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