oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
