i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
