can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
