it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
