I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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