i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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