I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
