Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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