I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
