The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
