I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
