well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
