Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
