she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
