Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You need Xanax blowdarts
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Randomize
