ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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