All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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