We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
