you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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