Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
