Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
