They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
