is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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