D3 body, D1 cock
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
