Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
