I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
im holly from the hills drunk
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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