what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
