i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
