I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
