I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
