I got chris browned last night
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
