i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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