the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
