I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
