question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
