we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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