I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
